Faking it…

99 Comments / Me / By

me-no-glasses

One good thing came of the trainwreck this week.

I spent some time at the second hand store searching for costume accessories.  Hey, if I was going to hack my way through the song, at least I could look good doing it.  Second-hand stores are not on my normal shopping route, although with this economy I’m seriously reconsidering. I lucked out and went on “Blue Tag Monday”.  All blue tag items were 99 cents.  Unlike my sister, I’m a horrible bargain shopper.  I have a hard time seeing the value unless it’s regular price.  I think it’s a genetic predisposition to getting ripped off.    Consequently I ended up with only one blue tag item.

When I got home, I modeled my outfit for the kids.  To which Maddy said,

“Wow Mom, you look like a 50s trophy wife.  Keep it on until Dad gets home!”

Dinner had to be made and I felt pretty self conscious wearing pearls around my neck, a scarf around my head, and pink rubber gloves while browning the ground turkey.  So, I changed back into my jeans and sweatshirt.  I hung up my costume and set aside my accessories.  All except for one.

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My 99 cent pair of reading glasses.

glasses

I kinda liked them.

Of course I couldn’t see a darn thing so I popped out the lenses and wore them out to the kitchen to make dinner.

And I wore them to eat dinner.

In fact I wore them all evening.

I’m wearing them right now!

I really like them!

It reminds me of the time when I was in 8th grade and I bought a pair of fake glasses and wore them to classes.  I felt cerebral.  Like I was taken a little more seriously.  Like I might get better grades if I looked like I should.  I think I might have even studied a little harder with those beauties on. If you stretched…just a little… maybe I could attribute my acceptance to BYU to my fake eyewear.  OK, that’s a stretch.

I haven’t had the courage to wear them out of my house yet, although I might give it a try down at our dinky supermarket in town.  I never see anyone I know there.  Probably because it always smells like old chicken and it’s reserved strictly as a last resort desperation destination.  (WHEN are they going to build the new grocery store, people!?!)

In the meantime I’ve come up with a list of situations when these lovely little glasses could come in handy:

  • At the library when faced with an extensive late fee bill.  “Ma’am, I’m quite certain I saw that book in the kid’s room just this morning.  I will bring it by when I bring back my copy of  “Man’s Search for Meaning”.
  • At the boy’s school.  “Why yes Mrs. H, I did homeschool the kids the last couple of years.  We studied marsupials extensively and I think you were wrong when you marked #3 incorrect.  A koala is indeed a marsupial.”
  • At the car dealer.  “I’m sorry.  I’m quite aware that the car industry is going through, shall we say, a serious crisis.  You got a better price for me Sir, or should I just leave now and stop wasting both our time?”
  • At Home Depot.  “Excuse me, would you be a doll and point me in the direction of the half inch Impact Wrenches with  Rocker Switches and  Detent Pin Socket Retention?”
  • At home when the door-to-door salesman comes by selling that magic spray in a bottle that I’ve been suckered into one too many times.  “I know what you’re doing here Mister!  You’ve got some illegally strong chemical in that bottle of yours that will take the siding off my house if I let you.  What I get in exchange for handing over my “Wicked Tickets Fund” is a diluted jug of lemonade that will frustrate me to no end as I rub my fingers bloody in an attempt to remove pencil doodles  from my delicate white wainscoting.  And there’s no way I’ll believe that all those forged signatures on your tattered list represent my gullible friends and neighbors.  No way, no how will I be suckered again!  And don’t come back!”

I apologize to anyone who really has to wear reading glasses.  The grass has always seemed greener on the other side of your fence.  I’m sure one day I’ll be able to hop on over and find out for myself.  But for now, I’ll take advantage of my 99 cent bargain! (That is, unless Maddy swipes them from me again.  What is she?  In 8th grade or something? Sheesh!)

Happy Thursday

99 thoughts on “Faking it…”

  1. jenjen

    Haha – funny post! I think you look great. You should start wearing them around town. Or you could have an optician put dark lenses in and they could be your cool new sunglasses…

    Have a great day!

    XOXOXOXOX
    Jennifer

  2. Bruce

    Funny post! I’m very impressed with the picture without and with the glasses. The toxic compound guys are a hoot.

    Lets trade kids – I think you look good in the glasses and deserve the brainiac comments. When I put on a pair of equally (in my mind) stylish glasses (reading glasses, dang it) the other day, I got a “whaaat – you wear glaaasses” and a look from my 13 year old that said “and you look like a dweeb”. Sheesh, I guess I’ll stay in denial a bit longer…

    Maybe I should warm everyone up to them with a 99 cent bargain.

  3. Sherine

    when I was in elementary school I used to unbend a paperclip and wear it in my mouth like a retainer. Then by the time I did get a retainer I was bored witht them.. and never wore it. Grass is always greener.

  4. Chrissy

    I see people w/really cute looking reading glasses lately. My favorites I’ve seen are a tiffany blue teamed w/a leopard print. I don’t know, I did turn 40 last summer, maybe I do need reading glasses and I just don’t know it yet!

    Sometimes it’s okay to “fake it”!

  5. Amanda Jones

    This is such the trend and you look great! I say strut those things all over the place and work it like a sexy librarian!!

    At the dollar store (which I am not sure you have) you can buy them with just plain lens for the “accessorie” look! SWWWEEETTTTT!!

  6. JamieM

    You are so funny. I did the ‘fake glass’ thing in school too. Then I graduated to color change contacts because I was always teased for having brown eyes. (Brown eye’d girls are full of sh**)
    I like you in glasses. I actually have to wear them and a different perscript for reading… but rarly do because it makes me feel old now!

    Hugs!

  7. Jean

    Such a funny post! And I do remember when you wore them to school! Just be careful now the closer you get to 40 the chances go up that you’ll be wearing them for real and you’ll have to get more of those 99 cent ones.

  9. TravelinOma

    I love your fake glasses. Your funny story reminded me of being in 6th grade. My best friend had to be excused every day to go take her allergy pill. It seemed totally cool to me, so I started “popping” Smarties so everyone would think I had allergies, too.

    Now I wear reading glasses AND take pills. I don’t think it’s that cool anymore.

  11. annie valentine

    I totally had fake glasses in 8th grade. I thought I’d be so cool, like they were a fashion statement. Then in 10th grade when I actually had to wear real ones, I hid them in my locker all day long and got C’s.

    Go figure.

    YAY YOU!!! I am so thrilled for you on both the DNBlog and your column. Girl, you go. Newspapers need us, even if they don’t always realize it. You’ll kick it.

  13. Emily

    Hey Wendy! Thanks for commenting! And thanks for the nice compliment on my photography!

    I use a Nikon D90. I just got it last month, and I’m still not sure how to use it! Prior to getting the Nikon, I used a Cannon S2IS.

    I LOVE that you use WordPress! It’s nice to go another blog that’s not powered by blogger . . . 🙂

  14. Mindy

    Those glasses were the hit of mutual! Maddy looked adorable in them, and I even tried them on. Too bad I just looked like an old librarian… I actually NEED glasses and I can’t find any that will look good on me. Maybe I should check the second hand store!

  15. Veggie Mom

    LOVE the specs! I just got a similar pair, although I’ve got the vision of an 80-year-old woman (yup, I wore Coke Bottle glasses, back in the day), so it’s bifocals for moi! Such are the perils of aging, I guess. BTW: Thanks for the cute note about the Pop’rs! Glad you’re enjoying your prize…we’re having another giveaway starting Feb. 8, and want to do a Bloggy Film Festival. Any chance of getting you and yours to do a short video showing your Pop’rs Love? I think it would be fun!

  16. Deanna

    I can’t even say how I tripped across your blog, ’cause I can’t remember, but I’m rolling on the floor…Lauging my head off!!! I love it! Thanks for the good laughs! 🙂

    P.S. – the glasses are darling!

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  23. Typ0

    Visiting from SITS. I like the glasses look! I hope you did wear them out and about. 🙂 I have often told my husband he looks way sexier with his glasses than without! :p

  24. cat

    Great post! I love my glasses (which I wear for computer work and night driving) and if I need a bit of courage for a meeting, I wear them. Instantly makes me feel great.

  26. K

    I love it.

    I’m a big contact fan, but I might have to sport the glasses for a few special occasions.

  27. kari

    Love it! I had lasik so I don’t need my glasses any more but they are a nice accessory now that I don’t need them. Before they were the bane of my existence.

  31. Andrea

    I think you look great in them!

    They look exactly like my old pair of glasses – I switched it up and got a different pair this time, but I’m still partial to this look.

  33. Beth Nixon

    As someone who MUST wear glasses, you are right. The grass is greener! It doesn’t make me look smarter. Just tired and like I was too lazy to put in my contacts.

    Wait. That is why I usually wear my glasses. So, maybe it’s not the glasses fault that I look tired and lazy!

  34. Pam

    Happy SITS day! The glasses look great! Enjoy them now because when you really need them, they will be a huge inconvenience. Trust me on this!

  35. Jennifer Juniper

    You’re right, because I never wear my glasses. But real glasses are never as cute as the reading ones.

    I used to bend paper clips and wear them like a retainer when I was in school, does that count?

    Happy sits 🙂

  36. AllisonD

    Ha ha ha, I have a fake pair too. Maybe it is a blonde thing… all those assumptions just make me angry, but fake glasses will throw them off

  38. Evy

    Haha, that is funny!

    I do have bad eyesight, and have been wearing glasses/contacts for the past 11 years. Because my eyesight is so horrible (I am considered legally blind without them), the lenses of my glasses make my eyes look sooo tiny, so avoid wearing them in public (just use my contacts instead). But on so many occasions I have wanted to get fake eyeglasses to wear over my contacts! Glasses can really make one look sophisticated!

  40. BlogBaby

    That’s good stuff! I wasn’t even going to read your post until I saw that second picture of you looking so “learn-ed” then I thought, “Hey, this lady clearly is highly cerebral…LOOK, she even wears glasses”, I bet I’ll learn a lot from this post.

    And boy did I. 😉

    BlogBaby

  43. Karen MEG (Pomtini)

    Your glasses remind me of mine, but mine cost a whole lot more than 99 cents LOL! I’m blind as a bat without them…

    I think it’s hilarious that you popped out the lenses and wore them around the house…. how cute are you?

    Happy SITS day!

  44. Issa

    Aaah, yes, the 8th grade-girl-swipe. My Mom said that was when I started swiping her things. She put a lock on her door by the time I was 15 and I was SO offended! Lol.

  45. Debbie @ Jadehollow

    Funny! My reading glasses turned up missing not to long ago.. The thought never crossed my mind that my teen had taken them.. till I spotted her walking out of the school building wearing them! Busted! I think this is something all girls do lol I wonder what lil fake out boys do.
    Happy SITS.
    Debbie

  49. Ronnica

    I DO have to wear reading glasses and have since I was a teenager (darn old eyes). I don’t think I look half as good in them as you do!

  50. Laura

    Ok I’m one of the ones who has to wear glasses…all the time, they don’t seem to make me look or act smarter.

  51. Jessica - This is Worthwhile

    I used to wear a pair of Minnie Pearl costume cat-eye glasses, complete with rhinestones on them. I LOVED them. It’s like donning a superhero costume, or something: suddenly you’re you, but more 🙂

  53. WhatACard

    They are cute! Though I’m a bit jealous you don’t need to wear glasses regularly. It’s not quite so much fun when you *have* to!

  54. Sara

    When I had to get glasses in the sixth grade, I hated them so much I would hide them in a tree on my way to school.

    Now, at 28, I rock my red frames all the time and I feel like a sexy librarian.

    Weird how a few years can make all the difference.

  55. Lea Ann

    I’m wearing reading glasses. Unfortunately mine have lenses. They also bear the sticky jelly fingerprints of a certain two-year-old who shall remain nameless.

  56. The Mom

    My girls have a bunch of old sunglasses lying around w/missing lenses – think that’ll work?! I always thought people wearing glasses seemed smarter!

  57. Dawna

    Great post! I always hated my glasses! I have a tiny nose and could never keep them in place without bending the ear pieces till they rubbed places behind my ears. Praise the day I finally got contact lenses!

  59. Debbie ~ Snowberry Creek

    LOL Loved this post! I think most of us have wanted what our friends have then when we have to wear glasses, braces, etc…it’s not so fun.

    BTW the glasses look great on you! Happy SITS day!

  60. Tammy

    They do look good. Now, I’m going to start looking at people wearing glasses to see if they have lenses!LOL Gotta know if they are just pretending. 😉

  61. Janice

    I love those glasses. When I was 20 and lived in So Cal, I totally bought a pair a glasses, normal glass lenses because I have perfect vision, and wore them for a year! No one hardly knew me there so it was easy to pull off. I have to say I love the look and if you have to wear them, they might as well be stylish!

  65. Anita

    That is very funny, but let me tell you, really needing glasses was much less fun! It happened when I hit 40, and now as 50 approaches I can at least wear contacts, because now the close up and the distance vision is going……..ah well!

  66. Trish

    My hubby thinks glasses are hot! I have a pair that make me feel too cool for school, and I don’t really even need them…. I didn’t get mine for 99cents though. That would put the hubby into a permenent grin:)

  69. Amy

    Senior year of high school I was voted “Biggest Yuppie” of my class (“is that really a category, you may ask?” Yes, it is, in the yuppie town I grew up in, in the California Bay Area). Anyway, I had recently acquired glasses and felt like quite the debutante with them on. So I had my picture taken for the coveted slot of Biggest Yuppie while sitting on the hood of my BMW and wearing my new glasses. What a geek! Now, I’m a minivan driving, soccer mom…

  70. Pricilla

    I hate glasses. I have worn them since I was 6 years old. I now need 4 pairs for various distances….ugh!

    but you look very nice in your 99cent pair.

    Happy SITS day!

  75. Kristi_runwatch

    I enjoyed wearing my reading glasses for effect when I was a high school teacher. Fact was, they gave me headaches and made me a little dizzy when I wore them and tried to look at anything more than 24 inches from my face, but I felt it gave me an edge that said, “I know what I’m talking about and you punky 18 year-olds don’t intimidate me.”

    And boy, do I love the thrift store.

  76. Sturgmom

    You can totally take them to en eyewear place and have them put in plain lenses (no prescription). That might look a little less weird than just wearing empty frames. Great frames, though!

  77. Rae Ann

    I’ve gotten suckered in by those cleaner-guys, too. I should have know when he licked the cleaner that it wasn’t really a product I wanted to use. I want my cleaners to be leathal.

  83. Jessica G.

    While I don’t wear glasses, I feel ya on the response to the door-to-door salesman! One of ’em even stole my “No Soliciting” sign. The nerve!

  88. Reluctant Housewife

    I wear glasses everyday – for distance. I don’t need them for reading.

    I like my glasses. They allow me to make a personal statement right there on my face. Without using my facial muscles.

  90. Bethany

    Those glasses are totally cute! I’ve had glasses/contacts for close to 20 years and haven’t really found a pair I really like yet. Enjoy! 😉

  91. Michelle

    Oh those are cute glasses… and if it makes you feel any better, in the fifth grade, I faked not beign able to see so I could get glasses because I thought they were cool.

  93. Catherine

    I totally wear my glasses when I want people to take me seriously. Not only am I blond, but I have on of those little girl faces that makes me look like I can’t think right. ERk!

    The only time it comes in handy is when I get pulled over. Who can ticket a dumb blond that “just doesn’t understand.” And who can resist the baby face with a dimple? LOL

  95. Mandy

    I;ve known several people who wear “fake” glasses and the funny thing is that they do look better in them! Haha!

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