After the birth of my second child the complications with the pregnancy and delivery left me unable to have anymore children of my own. I have always had a heart for adoption so the decision to adopt was a no-brainer for my husband and I.
After trying for almost a year with an agency, they had to close their doors so we switched to an amazing attorney in our area. She found us a match. We spent five months helping and building a relationship with them. When it was time to have the baby, we flew out and waited. The birth parents chose not to place. It was a feeling I can’t describe. After about another month we were matched again! The day before the birth, the birth mom decided against placing. We have not been chosen since. It’s been two and a half years of waiting. It’s painful and hard and frustrating and every emotion a human can have. You become exhausted and often question what the point to all of it is. And so you wait…
I would like others to understand that adoption is hard and it doesn’t always work out and it’s more complex than you know unless you have been through it. Adoption isn’t too common so while others are planning their family the conventional way, you are sort of out on open waters with not a lot of people who can even understand where your heart is. There are multiple ways to adopt (internationally, through the state, through an attorney or agency) and each one of these is so different from the next. It’s painful and hard and there is a hole missing in a family’s heart waiting for their baby. Offer your love and support!
Giving advice is a difficult thing with adoption. The best thing you can do is just say “if there is anything I can do, please ask”. There is so much going on that no one knows about that pertains to your situation. We have tried it all and have a team helping us. We just need support and love. Also whatever option a family chooses is because that’s what works for their family. Support and be happy for them.
