I have Alopecia, a super fun (not) condition where my hair falls out on my entire body. I was diagnosed with it at age 5 and 35 years later it’s just a part of my being. There are many challenges that come with this but the most challenging is the insecurity that comes with not “looking normal”. In a society like ours everyone wants to be “perfect” and being a young girl, a teenager, a young adult being bald does not fit that mold. I was teased in grade school for having bald spots, I was stared at in stores for being bald and I have been approached by many wonderful people who feel the need to pray for me. Being bald is not ideal. As a woman many times I didn’t feel beautiful, sexy, worthy, and so much more. The challenge was trying to hide it from the world while desperately trying to love myself at the same time.
I have always felt isolated with this disease. Being diagnosed so early in life there really weren’t that many cases and doctors really didn’t know what it was from. I was told that my hair fell out from stress at 5 years old. I had to take 7 huge pills a day full of vitamins in hopes that it would grow back. I had multiple shots in my head to jump start regrowth. I had to style my hair in different ways to hide bald spots. I didn’t want to be around boys in junior high in fear they would notice. In high school it finally got to the point where it was time to wear a wig. Thank God I had an amazing group of boys and girls who have known me since grade school who supported me. I tried my best to hide it from everyone. I became very depressed, got severe anxiety to go out in public and eventually had to go to therapy. I didn’t want to be different, I wanted to be like everyone else. Eventually as I matured and and grew up I realized I am an amazing person inside and out, beautiful, confident and caring. It took some time but to be honest my husband helped a lot. He met me with my hair on and he urged me to go without. He asked me to marry him when I was in bed, bald and vulnerable, because that’s how he loved me best.
If only we could teach girls to be confident in who they are from the minute they enter this world. If only I knew what an amazing person I was the entire time I wouldn’t have had to go through all the struggles of trying to fit in. Sometimes I think if I went to the support groups and conventions they provide it might have been different. But….. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t go through what I did in my past. To anyone in my position, I would say embrace who you are, accept it, teach others about it and your differences, be confident and if you ever need…..talk to someone. You’re never really alone.
